“I cannot come from a hand job”
Emma (29): “I used to have this rule: “No cunnilingus? No fucking!” This was a strict rule for me, because I cannot come from a hand job. This even led to fiery discussions in bed, but I wouldn’t budge. I think it is important that a woman is pleasured just as much a man. There are men out there who pick up women and think: “I’ll stick it in there, orgasm, and that’s it.” I don’t believe that it is just a hop on hop off kind of ride. A men has to make an effort to please you too and go out of his way to show that your pleasure is just as worthy as his. I can easily separate love and sex, but it is as much my party as it is his. I asked a few women: “What would you do if the sex with your partner isn’t good?” Those women answered: “I would stare at the ceiling hoping it would be over soon.” Which sounds ridiculous to me.
There is this idea that men have the right to sexual pleasure, and women’s pleasure is less valued. I think otherwise. I feel that after sex both parties should feel satisfied. A man can’t just use a woman to dump his sperm in and be done with it. If he feels like doing this he can go see a hooker who can provide him with this service. Nowadays I almost never have to say anything to a guy anymore. I will ask from time to time: “Would you lick my pussy?” If he doesn’t want to then I do feel that he is being stupid, but I can live with it now. I am less strict with my rule than I was before, because I can come more easily now through masturbation. I think I’ve become better at figuring out what I like, and then men I sleep with now are more experienced. But I would definitely not enter into a serious relationship with a guy who is not into the art of cunnilingus.
This article first appeared in Dutch, translation by Jinwen Omar.